Created for Soul Care: My Journey from Isolation to Connection

The feeling of being different started around the age of 11 or 12. He was 13 when he finally had the language to describe what he was experiencing. He was gay. The reality of the situation sunk in with horror. The boy had been raised in a home that believed in the God of the Bible (even though they were more culturally Christian than actual followers of Jesus). He knew what the Bible had to say about the subject; being gay was a one-way sentence to Hell.

The boy was alone, unable to speak to anyone in his family. He couldn’t even turn to his pastor for guidance and soul care. You see, he followed a faith tradition where he didn’t learn about grace. He didn’t know that the work of Jesus on the cross was sufficient to cover all sin. He thought he must find within himself the will not to be gay anymore, but for him, relying on his own will was a battle he was losing quickly. 

In isolation without a personal relationship with Jesus, the boy gave in to his sinful desires. Feeling rejected by God, he walked away from the little faith he had and began to live as a homosexual.

But God is rich in mercy and did not leave the boy (who had become a man) in his sin. Through a series of “chance” meetings, this man met Christians who did not push their faith on him or judge him. They took the time to get to know him. Then one of these Christians invited him to a church service, and the man reluctantly accepted out of loyalty.

His reluctance originated from his experience with the church as a youth and the media’s portrayal of its inability to be kind to people like him. In truth, he was also afraid if he walked into that church, God would reject him for a second time.

His anxiety increased and he considered turning around as he approached the church, but God is the perfect provider and had already given provision for that moment. A greeter approached the man, offered him an umbrella for the rain, and offered to walk him to the door. This kindness helped ease his anxiety enough for him to walk into the building. 

During worship, his anxiety began to subside, and the walls around his heart began to break. He was ready to hear the Gospel message, so when the preacher said, “Jesus loves you,” the man heard and believed. 

A journey of discovery began for the man that day. He began to learn all he could about God in the person of Jesus. Along the way, he was aided by mature believers who helped him navigate the Scriptures and pray, Even though it did not understand the specifics of his sin or identity crisis, this community of believers was committed to helping him grow.

Six months after walking into the doors of that church, the man running from God stopped running and surrendered his life to Jesus. 

I am that man. 

My journey on the path of sanctification as a disciple of Jesus has not always been easy, though it has been full of joy made possible by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. 

I realized I was created for more. 

Walking away from homosexuality, or any sin that masks itself as our identity, is difficult in the best of circumstances. Our modern world, which glorifies the flesh over holiness, increases that difficulty exponentially. Having ministers who understand what that journey looks like eases that burden. My call to ministry is because I have experienced this type of care. To that end, God led me to Grace Theological Seminary’s Deploy program, where my mentor, Kevin Pobursky, received his theological education. 

In the Deploy program, I have learned to interact with the Word of God not just academically but also personally. God has used Deploy faculty to help me define the call to ministry that He has given me. Through interactions with professors like Dr. Christy Hill and Dr. Cole Westwood, I have learned that my journey of sanctification was possible because God provided me with disciple-makers who understood I didn’t need mere spiritual formation but authentic soul care. 

These Christian men and women were critical in my early walk with Jesus. They understood the discipleship they provided wasn’t just to fill me with head knowledge of Jesus. It was also to fill me with heart knowledge by modeling Christ’s love to me. This included inviting me to be a part of their lives and being an active part of my life (something that must occur outside of a Sunday service). 

Genuine soul care is about proclaiming the Good News we have experienced. Because of this, I am continuing my education with Grace Theological Seminary’s Doctor of Ministry program, focusing on biblical spirituality and soul care. I want the Lord to use me in the lives of LGBTQ people seeking an authentic relationship with God through Jesus. 

I believe that I was created for more, as were these men and women. By God’s grace, I hope to use my own journey of transformation and my training through Grace Seminary to be an instrument of grace in our Redeemer’s hands—showing and speaking the way, the truth, and the life, in love, in ways that draw others to the saving and sanctifying work of my Jesus.